Friday, January 15, 2010

sanguinary war: musing of a bitter old woman




Something that makes you obsessed, compulsive, and torn; Something that creates an aching void that never stops; Something that doesn't just break, but hacks your heart with a dull weapon--this, my friends, should be avoided.



Surely self-preservation should kick in. But again-it makes you stupid.


I think the Slow Club got it right--I think I am giving it up.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Dangerous Prayer

Be careful! You may wind up changed!



"From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from wind that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain, free
The soldier who would follow Thee.

From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified),
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God, deliver me.

Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire.
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God."

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

**Il fait froid**


She cannot weap! Her tears are locked up.

O God. This is going to end badly.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I am reading some of Matthew Arnold's works this evening and ...wow.
The more I study English, the more I am struck at how sometimes I derive more elemental basics of Christian faith from dead British white guys than over the pulpit at church!
Sometimes doing homework is more of a praise and worship time than my devotions. Why?
I think that some of the greatest writers in the past, despite the politics of religion, were influenced by the basic truths that were accepted in the society around them. Even though I am considered a lunatic because I believe that 2000 years ago they nailed a man on the cross for suggesting that people be nice to each other for a change (to quote The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), I still cannot shake this faith that leaps out to me from the Bible and essentially every thoughtful great work of ages past.

That is my rant for this evening; here is some of the stuff that I was floored with. It was taken from chapter 1 of Arnold's Culture and Anarchy.

Perfection, as culture conceives it, is not possible while the individual remains isolated.
So very true. Especially for me. I adore being with people.

The people who believe most that our greatness and welfare [20] are proved by our being very rich, and who most give their lives and thoughts to becoming rich, are just the very people whom we call the Philistines. Culture says: “Consider these people, then, their way of life, their habits, their manners, the very tones of their voice; look at them attentively; observe the literature they read, the things which give them pleasure, the words which come forth out of their mouths, the thoughts which make the furniture of their minds; would any amount of wealth be worth having with the condition that one was to become just like these people by having it?”
And here you have the basic echoes of the Bible - it is easier to be poor than rich; the whole camel and the eye of the needle thing. Also, how much do we compromise to be rich? Do we throw away that elemental innocence with worldly experience as John Locke suggests? (different post entirely).

But bodily health and vigour, it may be said, are not to be classed with wealth and population as mere machinery; they have a more real and essential value. True; but only as they are more intimately connected with a perfect spiritual condition than wealth or population are. The moment we disjoin them from the idea of a perfect spiritual condition, and pursue them, as we do pursue them, for their own sake and as ends in themselves, our worship of them becomes as mere worship of machinery, as our worship of wealth or population, and as unintelligent and vulgarising a worship as that is.
Detailing the fruitlessness of self worship. This guy is just fantastic!

I say, of culture is best given by these words of Epictetus:–"It is a sign of aphuia"+ says he,–that is, of a nature not finely tempered,–"to give yourselves up to things which relate to the body; to make, for instance, a great fuss about exercise, a great fuss about eating, a great fuss about drinking, a great fuss about walking, a great fuss about riding. All these things ought to be done merely by the way: the formation of the spirit and character must be our real concern."
" Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink..." You can see the fundimental biblical truths shining through here. I really liked this one, mainly because it is something I worry about too much. This is a sin I commit; I worry more about the outward appearance than even the aquiring of knowledge, even less the formation of spirit.

I have a lot to learn, but it looks like I am in the right major for it!

Goals for this year

3 New Things You'd Like to Experience this Year:
My first race over 5 K.
A cruise.
Getting the research done for my book.

3 Nonfiction Books You Want to Read this Year:
Black Like Me
The Lore of Running
The Bible

3 Things About Yourself You Want to Improve:
My presence with people, I want to be 100% THERE and hear everything that someone says...and CARE.
How hard I am on myself, I want to relax and accept that I am ok the way I am.
I want to deepen my focus and perserverance for Jesus Christ.

I. Spiritual Goals
Devotions and prayer every day. Fast at least once a month. Read through the Bible this year.

II. Family Goals
Spend more time with them and focus on being in tune everything that is going on in their lives.

III. Physical Goals
Run a half marathon. Strength train more. Sit ups/push ups and walk/run every day

IV. Career Goals
Focus on the classes I need for the Global Experiance Certificate. Pour myself into the teaching oppurtunities I have now to perfect my skills.

V. Recreational Goals
Take a class, whether it is writing, cooking, or running this summer. Call my friends more to do things.

VI. Financial Goals
Less shopping, more saving!!!

There is a billion more things I would love to work on, but I am keeping it small to make sure I actually do it.